Many people when they first hear about this are confused:
"Are you serious that there are people who want to get fat on purpose?" "And it's not just a desire but a sexual desire?"The answer is yes. We're dead serious. Most gainers grow up thinking that they are weird. Nobody else seems to have these fantasies and our society is so obssessed with being slim that gainers feel like they must be from another planet. Trust me, there are a lot of gainers out there. You just don't see them because there is so much societal pressure against this activity.
It is probably best to think of gaining as a sexual orientation. Gainers are sexually aroused by the idea of getting fatter. If you have those fantasies, then you are a gainer. You could be a skinny guy, a virgin, a straight guy, someone who has never tried to gain weight, a person who hasn't even kissed someone else. If you have sexual fantasies about gaining weight, then you're a gainer. You have to start there because you can't begin to sort it out until you are honest with yourself. You will have these sexual fantasies for life. If your fantasies are about getting fatter, then begin by realizing that you are one of us.
Different gainers respond to these fantasies in different ways. There are practical issues involved in gaining that have implications for your health, your ability to participate in activities that you might cherish, and your career. Gainers also have to deal with the reactions of friends, family, coworkers, and the general public at large. And gaining isn't cheap because food costs money and when you get bigger, you need new clothes. As a result, gainers go through different phases. We talk about gainers who are actively gaining versus gainers who are maintaining their current size and gainers who are still just fantasizing about it.
Gainers often end up in relationships with partners who are not part of the gaining world. Dating a civilian is challenging and there is no guaranteed formula for success. The most common advice is to be open with your partner because they are likely to find out eventually anyway. There are examples of successful pairings of a gainer and a civilian (see the biographies section).
Different gainers fantasize about different forms of weight gain, but there is a definite tendency to focus on the belly. For many gainers, the ideal outcome would be a big round belly with not much fat elsewhere. This is sometimes referred to as a ball-belly. Other gainers fantasize about other body parts (moobs, big legs, a big butt, etc), but the most common focus is on the belly.
Some gainers want to gain a few pounds and some want to gain all the way to immobility. Others aren't sure how big they want to become. They just know the direction they want to go. Most serious gainers take it in stages. They set some kind of personal goal like going from 175 to 200 or from 200 to 250. They work to achieve that goal and see how they feel. Most often they find that they still aren't big enough and they choose to go even higher. But this is something you can decide step by step.
Many gainers find it frustrating that they work very hard at getting fat and yet our society interprets weight gain as a sign of laziness and incompetence. This is particularly frustrating for gainers who are competitive. A common experience, for example, is that a competitive gainer will gain a lot of weight very quickly to prove how good he is at it and then will turn around and lose it all because his family and friends don't recognize his accomplishments. This is a kind of gainer panic or gainer remorse that many gainers struggle with. A common report is that after a gainer gets slim, he gets praise from his family and friends but still feels less attractive and less comfortable with his body. This is something that every gainer has to learn to handle in his own way.
Many gainers find it difficult to accept their sexual desires. They often spend time as lurkers on gaining sites watching videos and reading profiles while they try to figure out whether they really belong here. The biographies section should prove helpful to see if you can find people whose story sounds like yours. Once you become comfortable, you should de-lurk and start talking to people.